When I’m not writing, I’m a 10th grade English teacher at Mott Haven Village Prep High School in the Bronx. It’s an exhausting job, but it’s a great source for book material. Also, it is a great source for jokes. Also, it is a great source for fingernails in school lunches. That is not a joke. Last year, a student found a lunch lady’s fingernail—the whole thing—in her chicken patty. It was white and red. The fingernail, I mean. I don’t know what color the chicken patty was but it probably wasn’t the color it should’ve been.
One last thing about my school:we are tennis juggernauts. Them, not me. I just coach the team. My players can all beat me. Even the beginners. Not sure why they keep me around…
Outside of school, I’ve been learning how to clean and wash things. My wife gives me daily lessons since we got married a year ago. Also, I’ve been taught that ironing is your friend. I respectfully disagree. I have little interest in being his friend.
I’m a huge sports fan. I wanted to be a professional baseball player, but I was, what the medical profession refers to as, “extremely uncoordinated.” Sports scientists, with the help of modern technology, later diagnosed me as “bad” and/or “unskilled.”
I’ve learned that I’m good at shuffleboard. I’ve also learned that it isn’t socially acceptable to play that game until I’m older. My 30th birthday is on July 31. 40 years to go until I’m allowed to play.
What else…I love cooking elaborate meals and then drowning my food in barbeque sauce…I sing too loudly in my car…and I’m a Leo, but I assure you that I don’t have any of the bad Leo qualities.
Rene, an obsessive-compulsive fourteen year old, smells his hands and wears a Batman cape when he’s nervous. If he picks up a face-down coin, moves a muscle when the time adds up to thirteen (7:42 is bad luck because 7 + 4 + 2 = 13), or washes his body parts in the wrong order, Rene or someone close to him will break a bone, contract a deadly virus, and/or die a slow and painful death like someone in a scary scene in scary movie. Rene’s new and only friend tutors him in the art of playing it cool, but that’s not as easy as Gio makes it sound.
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